“The difference between loneliness and solitude is your perception of who you are alone with and who made the choice.” –anonymous quote
The weekend has been something of a cathartic one. Getting to ‘fess up to seven years of pent up emotion can do that to you. This post is not about that. There will never be a post about that, sorry. What was a noticed point, and one which bears reflection, was how the universe really can be there for you when you need it.
After initially feeling all mopey and grumpy on the weekend, two particular things had struck me about the serendipity and timing of the universe and my tiny (and slightly humorous) place in it. The first was when, out of the blue, someone I had not really spoken much to beforehand directed me to a blogpost that they had just written about getting over a painful relationship. What was particularly striking about this was that the person and the conversation not only came falling straight out of the blue, but that the post she had written just resonated at exactly the frequency I needed to realise that I was not the first little dumpling in the world to feel unique in their sadness. Realising that other people have been there too, and that they have been able to pick up and move on, is a powerful realisation. There are people out there who have never experienced any major emotional shakeups totheir lives, and I am truly not sure whether to envy or pity such folk, but regardless, they are useless as support for those who have seen that particular darkness and had to sail through it. It is the people who have felt and suffered who make all the difference when they can really and honestly say “I have been there”.
The second realisation was how many supportive friends I seem to have in my world. Many of them only very recent additions to my life, but all terribly skilled at part measures of sympathy, part measures of telling me to get the hell up and stop being a fool. Both needed, both valued. Being the introspective twat I can be at times, I liked to think that I was master of my own destiny, ruler of my fate, the only gnome in my garden, etc – but the truth is that such delusions only stand up when you are doing well. When you are not, it becomes fast apparent that you cannot do the life thing alone. And I am grateful to all of those people whose words – kind, funny or just daft – made me smile.
So where does the universe come into this? Well, a year ago I am not sure I could have been in the same place and gotten through it as successfully. The blog referrer would not yet have had her post to write, much less have known me to send the link to. The group of people I share my thoughts with, and the degree to which I shared them was markedly different as well, and probably would not have been as accommodating to the conversations that I needed to have. So while it could have been random luck that my personal catharsis and the presence of decent people could have been coincidental, I would like to think that this is not completely the case. It is not that there was a reason that the different parts of my world would come together like this, and the timing is coincidental. It is more the case that some of these events had no reason at all to be bearing down on me until the last moments, manifesting in a few days what had successfully not happened in years.
Besides, even if the connections had reasons and were inevitable. Even being in the middle of some reasoned, ticking clock of a universe that can produce outcomes like that is pretty impressive. So I will be pretty impressed.